Strider White and the Seven Hobbits
by Aiwendil X
Summary: A nice little bedtime story, isn't it. Mild Legolas/Aragorn slash in the end. Please review, and enjoy.


Strider White and The Seven Hobbits  
  
Disclaimer: Not mine, but I would like our little Strider to be...  
  
~*~ Authors Note: I just got this crazy idea. So I wrote it down, here is it. ~*~  
  
Warning: Light Slash.  
  
**************************************************************************** ****  
  
Once upon a time (long ago you would say), in a far away kingdom named Rivendell , there lived a sexy ranger/heir to the throne of Gondor, named Aragorn son of Arathorn. But for some reason (maybe because he strode ?? Work with me, okay??) everyone called him Strider White.  
  
His evil stepfather Elrond was cruel, vain and power-lusting. He would hate all who might be nearly as hot as he was, and he watched his stepchild with jealous eyes.  
  
Elrond had connections, and using his connections to people like Lady Galadriel, he had acquired a magic mirror (Most likely from the same people that made hers, Magic Mirrors Inc.). Every day when he was putting on his "manly" tiara (witch could take hours, before it didn't look like he was growing bald), he would look in the mirror and say:  
  
"Magic mirror, on the wall, who's the hottest one of all?"  
  
And every day the mirror would answer (like you have properly guessed already):  
  
"You are the hottest one of all, with the most manly tiara I've ever seen."  
  
(For those of you wondering, the tiara was manly, because of the way he whore it....)  
  
As time passed Strider White grew more and more sexy – and Elrond grew more and more envious.  
  
(For those of you wondering, Elrond was envious, because he had some self- esteem issues.)  
  
So Elrond decided to do something about the problem in hand. He forced Strider White to dress in dirty cloaks and go look for Gollums and such. This pissed Strider of, 'cause chasing creepy things just wasn't his deal. His hair was getting all dirty and tangled, and he started to grow a beard too. But he still looked hot, actually he looked even hotter then before.  
  
One day, when Strider White was back in Rivendell on vacation, Elrond spoke to his mirror, and it answered with the words he had feared:  
  
"Hot you are, but hold, a sexy ranger/upcoming king I see, one who is more then thee."  
  
"Who is it !?!" screamed Elrond, who really should try some stress management.  
  
"Five words and four hyphens, " the mirror replied, "Sir-Of-A-Thousand- Names."  
  
"Strider White!?!?" shrieked Elrond. "But how could he ever be hotter then me, I have my ropes (tm), tiaras (tm) and groovy hair (tm)!!"  
  
"That is true," said the mirror, "but he has the dirty look (tm) and cool sword (tm)."  
  
"He must be destroyed!!" Elrond howled. Again the stress management was needed.  
  
So Elrond sent for Glorfindel.  
  
"You'll take Strider White," Elrond said with a real "evil-guy" voice, "and there you will kill him, my faithful servant.  
  
Like the poor Glorfindel didn't have problem enough. First some guys cut him out of a movie, and then his lord asks him to kill someone. The poor elf begged Elrond to have mercy, but the elf lord wouldn't give in. After all, he is the villain of this fic.  
  
"Remember my connections," Elrond warned. "I'll have Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn send Haldir over here in no time. Then lets see who's the tough guy."  
  
The next day Strider White went off with the guard, never suspecting that he was in danger.  
  
When there where deep in the forest of Rivendell, Glorfindel drew his bow. But he couldn't handle the whole thing, and fell to his knees.  
  
"I can't kill you," he sobbed. This was okay, because he had been though a lot of problems. We can all understand that, can't we??  
  
"Then why where you aiming at me with that thing??" asked Strider White, pretty annoyed by the whole thing. After all he had been luring on some elven ladies when Glorfindel had interrupted.  
  
"It was Elrond who ordered this wicked deed," Glorfindel answered.  
  
"Why?? I'm happy as long as I can spy on some lady elves. And I haven't laid eyes on his daughter okay?? She sucks actually...." Said Strider White.  
  
You are right about the daughter. But back to the problem at hand. He is mad with jealousy" Glorfindel said, " not even his ropes (tm), tiaras (tm), and groovy hair (tm) can compete with your Oh- so cool dirty look (tm) and sword (tm)." (Can you tell I like the dirty look and the sword??)  
  
"It is a pretty cool dirty look (tm) and a pretty cool sword (tm)." Acknowledged Strider White. So Strider White strode off to the east, while Glorfindel took the first flight to the Grey Havens.  
  
Strider walked and walked and walked and walked an walked, well lets just jump over that. He walked alot, until he suddenly came to something that looked like Disneyland. Lots of green hills, woods, fields, little rivers and stuff like that.  
  
Strider White picked a hole in a hill and walked inside, ignoring the "No admittance"- sign on the gate and the one on the door saying "We don't want any more visitors, well wishers, distant relations or girl scout cookies!".  
  
When Strider White came inside (after hitting his head on the ceiling three times) he discovered that the whole place was a mess. With seven chairs, seven dishes, seven pots, seven bags of pipeweed, seven sacks of mushrooms and seven TV guides scattered all over the place, but Strider White didn't really care.  
  
He went to the end of the hole, he found some sort of bedroom with seven beds each with a name on it. Strider White was starting to see a pattern. There was Bilbo, Frodo, Merry, Pippin, Sam, Rose and Diamond.  
  
"Strider White was so tired from all his walking, that he fell over on one of the beds and then fell asleep. He woke up to find seven sets of eyes staring at him. That is not a nice way to wake up.  
  
They small beings with hairy feet, introduced them self as the Seven Hobbits, and offered him to stay there while they played around with Bilbos ring. Since they had cable, Strider White agreed.  
  
Unfortunately (for Strider White, not for the plot), Elrond had learned from his nice little mirror, that Strider White was still alive. "This time," he hissed, "I'll finish him off myself."  
  
Elrond disguised himself as Arwen (witch didn't take much, speak bad elven that's it.), and filled a basked with pipes, putting one with poisoned weed on top. "One taste," Elrond cackled, "and Strider White will sleep forever. Then I'll be the hottest in all of Middle-Earth."  
  
The next morning, before they went to buy some more pipeweed because Strider White smoked it all, the hobbits warned Strider White, that people had seen a stranger lurking about. Strider White promised to be careful.  
  
A few minutes later, Elrond came to the window. "Watching MTV??" he asked, while trying not to crackle too much. "Wouldn't you like a nice smoke?" Saying this he held out the poisoned pipe to Strider White.  
  
Strider White remembered the hobbits' warning. "But what harm can a bad speaking, horse stealing, annoying elf with no fashion sense whatsoever, do??" he thought. "And I could really go for a smoke."  
  
He took the pipe, and inhaled deeply. Cursing, he fell to the floor.  
  
With another crackle (because he liked crackling), Elrond left, content with the knowledge that he was now the hottest in all of Middle-Earth. Unfortunately, on he way back to Rivendell, he ran into a bunch of orcs, and they stole his tiara. This made Elrond have a mental-breakdown. He still had cool ropes (tm) and cool hair (tm), but now he was more annoying then sexy.  
  
But it was to late for poor Strider White. He was so good-looking and sexy, even in a coma, that the hobbits could not bear to part with him. They built him a coffin of glass and gold (luckily they made air holes), and stood vigil by it day and night (luckily they had no lives).  
  
One day, a gorgeous elven prince, named Legolas Greenleaf, came by the hobbits' garden. He was just taking a stroll from the party his good friend Gimli had invited him to in Moria, but apparently he'd gotten a little lost. He noticed the coffin with the cute ranger, and stopped to talk with Pippin. Pippin informed him, that according to Bilbos research, only athelas could cure the ranger.  
  
"Um.... That so cliché, lets try something new." With that Legolas opened the coffin, learned down and kissed Strider White.  
  
To everyone's surprise, Strider White woke right up ( No annoying fluttering of lashes.).  
  
When the two of them finely came up for air, Strider gave the prince a husky smile, "Hello Cutie."  
  
And so Strider White and Price Legolas decided to have an unconventional relationship. Strider White became king of Gondor, and the lived happily ever after, in their unconventional bliss. 


End file.
